Here is an excerpt of From Child to Man, Book-Zero!
Chapter-Zero An Overview and the Underworld-Realm
The Underworld-Realm.... Had come into existence in a distinctive way from the rest of the Omniverse, which was created during the 1st Primordial Wars between the Primordial Demon-Goddesses and the Fundamental Forces of Creation. Their war for the right to shape the Primordial Ether of Existence that they'd all originally come from, would create the various otherdimensional-realms and races that we all know exist today such as Central-Earth, the Shilla-Prime Sphere, Crossearth, Neo-Earth and the multitudes of otherdimensions that are too vast in name and number to recite right now. At the very heart of the omniverse sits the Central-Earth dimension where the Primordial Wars still occur from time-to-time on its satellite planets, planetoids, and moons. As a matter of fact...? The return of a number of vanquished Primordial Demon-Goddesses from the 1st Primordial Wars, underneath the banner of the Triumvirate of Ashanti is about to ignite the 3rd Primordial Wars as we speak. This is something that will most definitely be another Omniverse shaking event. But while worlds like Central-Earth and otherdimensions like the Shilla-Prime Sphere were directly created by the victors, as well as the essence of the defeated-&-destroyed losers of the 1st Primordial Wars. Underworld and its otherdimensionally attached landmasses and continents would be created without the direct hand of anyone involved in the 1st Primordial Wars, however? Without the 1st Primordial Wars? Then Underworld-Realm wouldn't exist at all.... To understand this first World Within Worlds that you are going to visit, it means digging a little into the Omniverse itself and how it came to be. Which of course will led to the creation of the Underworld-Realm in which a number of our heroes and villains will come from first. Since time is of the essence according to the latest sensor-scanner readings, then this brief? Will have to be brief. The Underworld-Realm is a series of interconnected otherdimensional-realms where the main dimensional-planetoid is Underworld itself. Within Underworld lies Tanis Island, Agoha Island and SARC Island. These three islands are actually their own otherdimensional-realms that require dimensional-devices or arcane-equipment to reach. Their physical appearances do not actually reflect their actual landmass-size. This is something that used to cause massive casualties to invaders once they finally made landfall and saw, much to their chagrin. That these islands, weren't exactly as small as what they thought or that their readings indicated. Never mind that the locals of each island have all actively attempted to conquer the rest of underworld itself with Tanis Island at one point being so powerful and so massive. That it actually held territories in the other-realms of underworld and not just on underworld itself. The massive continents of Fazel, Lattimer, Dumar, Suladad Prime and Luminous are just a few of the underworld landmasses with their various empires and city-states and unique arcane-experts and engineers. These continents are accessible through normal means without any arcane-technology needed. Luminous used to be the primary continent to make travel to go beyond the Underworld-Realm and out into the rest of the Omniverse. Certain long since gone empires of the continent of Arboria Prime used to travel to and conduct trade with, Pre-Earth. The dimensional home of hue-mahns. However once the Original Races of Man descended into civil war and then fled into space, Pre-Earth, descended into darkness and has not come out of its devolved-state ever since. Now known as Neo-earth, their dimension is now ruled over by hue-mahns who lack the ability to personally utilize arcane-energies and are now stuck in a toxic-technology phase centered around the lowest forms of the arcane-spectrum, nuclear-energy. Open travel and trade with neo-earth has ceased to exist for the most part and it has become an almost unspoken rule not to do any traveling or trade with them due to their current state. Let alone the fact that their toxic-technology makes dimensional-travel to-&-from neo-earth difficult to say the least. The Underworld Whore Demon Realm of HELL occasionally has some of its more childish Whore Demons and Devils waste their time to randomly travel to neo-earth. They usually go there simply to cause trouble on a global-scale and then solely to absorb the released psychic-energies caused by their mischief making. However? Over the last 5-decades neo-earth has begun to experience problems from what appears to have been a Tanis-Dragonoid agent, who has introduced artificially created Mangs into their dimension. The PAGAN Corporation has been revealed to be an abandoned Tanis Island front-corporation for their covert operations and activities on neo-earth. It is still unknown why Tanis Island has engaged in such an operation since travel to neo-earth is extremely limited and the planet itself is barely worth conquering in its current toxic state. The bickering hue-mahns have however created a covert counter-agency laughingly called Counterstrike, in an attempt to thwart PAGAN, for whatever good that's worth. But with all of this said Our Story actually begins on Tanis Island within the Underworld-Realm. How underworld came to be within the Omniverse is far more important than worrying about the trivial goings-on of ass-backwards neo-earth, so briefly. Let us take a look at how underworld came to be in the first place and then look in on our first set of heroes and villains who will ultimately reach far beyond their own dimension and shake the Omniverse itself.... When none existed except the Primordial Demon-Goddesses and the Fundamental Forces of Creation, they did battle to determine who would inherit the right to shape the Primordial-Ether of Existence. This Primordial-Ether is the very dark-matter energies of life that they'd all come from. The Primordial Demon-Goddesses were all humanoid-female in form, while their counterparts of Creation were all monstrous non-humanoid males. Initially the two coexisted until it became clear that the very Ether itself could be shaped and molded into whatever it was they wished. Soon both sides began to create their own realms, until the inevitable occurred where one side wished to have complete domination and control over how all of existence would be. Neither side could agree on any mutual decisions and both desired completely different expressions of existence, till finally!? War broke out between the two. Their battles impacted the entirety of the Ether itself and at the very fringes of the Ether creation-factors came into existence on their own. Like ripples across water their battles at the very heart of the Ether carried out to the very fringes and the unsuspecting sides began to impact the very thing they were all fighting to have control over in the first place. Since the Ether was luminous dark-force, a combination of dark matter-&-dark energy. The 1st Primordial Wars began the process of separating the Ether into these two fundamental arcane-energies. This was something that none of the participants in the 1st Primordial Wars knew about, nor would they have ever wanted such a thing had they have known what was going on at the time. This started the expansion of the Omniverse unchecked and it was something that the eventual victors, the Roma-Acropolis, were powerless to do anything about. In the end they had no choice except for to accept the fact that somewhere out in the unintentional vastness that they'd unwittingly created? Are their potential replacements.... The fringes of the Ether, now split into its two components, began to take shape and transform into nebula and other spatial-phenomena. Stars were given birth to as the byproducts of dark energy itself unraveled into the various arcane-spectrums of light, heat, cosmic rays, gamma rays and countless other forms of arcane-energy. Thus creating the conditions for life to evolve in these far-flung places along the Fringe. Matters were made more interesting by the arcane-energies expended at the center of the Ether by the Primordials and the Fundamental Forces fights as well. These residual-energies would ultimately be dubbed primordial-energies where they were intermingled with the essence of those involved and their own hopes, dreams, desires and regrets! As they won, lost, fought. And died. In their attempts to gain supreme authority over the right to create all of existence! The combination of these primordial-energies alongside the volatile arcane-energies! Tore open pockets in the fabric of the Fringe of the Ether itself! These energies then flooded into these pockets creating their own pocket-dimensions and places where the residual-energies of these two forces would create planets-&-planes folded within other planets-&-planes thus creating worlds, within worlds. In one of these dimensional-pockets the Ether mutated even more into a visible primordial-mist. This pocket-dimension was not only inundated with too much of the primordial-energies of the 1st Primordial War for supremacy. But also an overabundance of dark-energy and dark-matter. From this event the primordial-mist would coalesce and create the central planet of Underworld itself. It would be just as massive and just as filled with wonders as its rival dimensions of the behemoth Shilla-Prime Sphere and wondrous world of Crossearth. As Underworld slowly came into its own within the primordial-mist its sibling-worlds would be created alongside it. An adjoining multitude of dimensional-planes that would also bring forward races that would come to be seen as nightmares to many and blessings to some. All of these different dimensional-planes would become the collective known as Underworld-Realm. By the time the Underworld-Realm had completely formed the 1st Primordial Wars were over and the remaining victors set about the task of shaping the center of the omniverse to their liking. They were totally unaware of the fact that outside of their divine-awareness they'd created multitudes of otherdimensional places and far-flung star systems within their own dimension as well. Scholars throughout the omniverse attribute this lack of awareness by the victors to the massive toll the 1st Primordial Wars took on all of the surviving participants. Most of the surviving Demon-Goddesses of the 1st Primordial Wars are slow to admit their own mortality in this matter, which, one can safely assume is typical for those who claim themselves to be divine and supposedlyall-powerful. Admitting to mistakes will of course diminish such claims so reluctance on their part to take accountability and accept responsibility is to be expected to a certain degree. Regardless, the end of the 1st Primordial Wars did not come about until matters were settled internally amongst the Primordial Demon-Goddesses first! They'd successfully destroyed the Fundamental Forces of Creation and harvested their collective essences and carcasses to be able to shape the Ether. But then they couldn't agree amongst each other on how the Ether should be shaped, which quickly set them against one another. Much like when the arguments with the Fundamental Forces started over how to shape the Ether and who had the right to do what with it!? The Primordials began to bicker amongst themselves and push for their own individual expressions of how the Ether should be shaped and what exactly should be created to exist in it in the first place! By this point though they had already shaped much of the Ether at the heart of the Omniverse to create realms of their own. These realms were used to fight against the Fundamental Forces and had now become additional points of power for each one of the Primordials that none of them were willing to have destroyed. This back-&-forth bickering is also attributed to why they were none-the-wiser about the fact that they'd unintentionally shaped parts of the Ether out on its far flung edges! The complete ignorance about the Fringe of the Ether and the developments there would ultimately become a sore spot that was better left untouched and untalked about! This would further allow for the high unchecked power-levels of the various races developing within Underworld-Realm and the Shilla-Prime Sphere. It didn't take long before lines began to get drawn in the Ether amongst the Primordial Demon-Goddesses using their existing realms and the races they'd created within them to prepare for war. Factions were created amongst them. Forces fought. Many perished and smaller factions and less powerful demon-goddesses were forced to submit and join up with the more powerful demon-goddesses throughout the Latter 1st Primordial Wars. The Triumvirate of Ashanti became the dominant power of the Ether-Realms and it forced all those remaining to join up and form around their strongest remaining rival, Roma-Acropolis. During all of this none of them were aware that at the fringes of the Ether they fought over to shape, it was simply shaping itself thanks to their vain and reckless warring amongst themselves. By the time it was over and done with the victory of the Roma-Acropolis demon-goddesses was complete! Any of the surviving Triumvirate of Ashanti members were driven into hiding in the deepest corners of the Ether or flat out chased down and destroyed by the Roma-Acropolis! Some however!? Knowing defeat had become inevitable! Took means to preserve their essence so that as time passed they might one day regenerate and return to resume the war against the Roma-Acropolis. While others actually turned traitor and served Roma-Acropolis and were allowed to survive because of their treacherous-service against Triumvirate-Ashanti. Ironically those who'd taken preventative measures to be able to regenerate their essence and ultimately regain their physical form, were now returning. With the time being now and events of the 3rd Primordial Wars being underway, it will most assuredly tie-in with the events that we are about to undertake within Underworld-Realm. However, not to jump ahead. It was the victory of Roma-Acropolis over the now returning Triumvirate of Ashanti at the End of the 1st Primordial Wars. That led to the creation of Central-Earth by the Roma-Acropolis. Central-Earth itself sits at the very center of the Omniverse and has the most direct interaction of the surviving Primordial Demon-Goddesses. Shilla-Prime Sphere would come into existence only after the Fundamental Force, the Great Beast Surabul! Was slain and his body used to create the massive planet of Shilla-Prime and its accompanying 5-Moons of Shilla! The Great Beast Surabul had correctly predicted that the Primordial Demon-Goddesses were only fighting alongside one another against him and the rest of the Fundamental Forces because they had more in common with each other, than with them. He repeatedly attempted to tell his brethren to simply draw the vain demon-goddesses into individual pocket-dimensions and then overwhelm them instead of allowing them to dictate the war by working together using their sheer numbers to overcome their might. Arrogant and unreasonable because of their sheer size and power. His brethren didn't listen. And he didn't continue to argue with them, either. He simply enacted his plan for himself and he successfully was able to bait some of the Light and Dark Demon-Goddesses who'd always despised him, into thinking he was running away simply to save his own hide. He was able to use their overconfidence and ego against them where their pursuit of him into his own manipulation of the Ether allowed him to gain the upper hand! He'd created a pocket-dimension for himself and successfully lured them into it! This forced them to expend their divine-auras constantly! So that they could fend off his various manipulations of his pocket-dimension! The Primordials who'd foolishly followed were unable to get out and were forced to have to fight him! The pressure of them knowing that only by defeating and destroying him could they get out, played in his favor! It was also the only way that they would be able to finally stop his dimensional-effects and attacks against them too! They knew it was over and so did he. But they fought against him anyway. However after a few mere decades of battle he was able to defeat and enslave all of them! He then made them watch as their so-called sisters successfully slew his brethren and then promptly turned on each other! Never mind that they'd completely forgotten about them and him once the Primordial Demon-Goddesses had defeated and destroyed the Fundamental Forces of Creation. This allowed him to point out that greed was greed and it didn't matter whether you were a Fundamental Force of Creation or a Primordial Demon-Goddess. For all of the talk of commonality he made sure to shove down their throats the fact that their so-called sisters, turned on each other real-quick! Right after destroying His Brethren. Looking for Them or Him!? Wasn't even an afterthought! Getting what they all secretly wanted for themselves was what was always most important. It was something he'd attempted to tell his stupid brethren who were also possessed more with getting what they wanted instead of surveying the situation strategically and going from there. Surabul intended to build-up His Power within his pocket-dimension and create massively powerful monstrous-races within it. That would be more than a match for whichever Primordial survived Their War Among Each Other! Surabul would then begin to shape and build his isolated pocket-dimension, until his enslaved demon-goddesses finally mustered up the resolve to fight to the death against him. They would ultimately succeed, but barely! It would be the very last of them, Nzinga, who would finally destroy him but many believe by that point it was already too late. The Sauropod People are believed to have been created by Surabul and had already been flung from his pocket-dimension back out across the entirety of the Omniverse! Before his eventual destruction at Nzinga's hands. Either way!? Nzinga went on to use Surabul's massive body to create the Shilla-Prime Sphere before dying herself from her own fatal wounds from the fight with the Great Beast! Thus the Shilla-Prime Sphere would have something in common with Underworld-Realm by the fact that neither realm has any active demon-goddesses from the Primordial 1st Wars involved with them and their respective races have produced various individuals at various times who were and are powerful enough to take on the demon-goddesses of Central-Earth! As for Underworld...? When Underworld's first lifeforms emerged from the primordial mist a series of races came from out of it to cover the various landmasses of the entire Underworld-Realm. The Mang, the Progenitors of the Whore Demons of HELL, are a female-humanoid progenitor-race that can be found throughout the Underworld-Realm today. Physically tall and powerful, Mang have retractable animal-tails and are dominated by animal-traits and animal-like characteristics on all levels. They have animalistic physical features ranging from horns to cat-ears to cobra-hoods. As well as fur and reptilian-scaleskin pending on what humanoid animal-type they are! The Mang initially ruled Underworld-Realm having evolutionary-abilities that allowed their very bodies and genetic structures to hyper-advance and hyper-adapt! This allowed them to cut-corners technology-wise and quickly conquer and enslave the other progenitor-races of the Primordial-Prehistoric Time Period. Their enhanced-senses and adaptive animal-organs also gave them the initial ability to simply out-endure the other races and pull-off feats that none of them could at that time! However!? These things would ultimately prove to be their downfall as Underworld-Realm became more stable from its original primordial-prehistoric state and the various progenitor-races developed superior arcane-abilities and their own natural-abilities finally began to evolve as well. Added to this was the necessity of actual arcane technological development, something that the Mang didn't really invest much time or energy into because of their superior physical adaptations and abilities. The Mangs of the Floating Islands of Underworld itself would end up being exterminated by the seemingly slow evolving monstrosities that they'd enslaved, the Dracos. After successfully defeated and destroying the Flying-Mang of the Floating Islands these monsters would keep their existence hidden until much later in Underworld's prehistoric age. While the Flying-Mangs were being exterminated on the Floating Islands and ending their dominance there. Their empire was further collapsing in the other-realms of Underworld that they once held total command-n-control over. The Mangs of HELL would end up being overrun by their own daughters and sons, the Whore Demons and Devils of HELL. Like Mangs in general the Whore Demons of HELL base their entire society and customs-&-culture around strength and power. When the Mang Empire began to crumble on the various other-realms of underworld the Whore Demons of HELL were dispatched to destroy the rebelling progenitor-races that the Mang had enslaved, to no avail. In many cases the Whore Demons rebelled to gain their own freedom thus exacerbating the Mang's problems! If the Mang are violent and overly-aggressive, their children are all of that but ultra-rebellious! The Whore Demons of HELL only trust their own kind and any alliances entered into with them can expect betrayal as soon as it is possible or when least convenient to the poor fool that allowed themselves to let their guard down! Originally a literal massive landmass of fire-lakes and burning-forests where these are natural phenomena and not some warped odd-occurrence! The Underworld-Realm of Primordial-HELL was an extreme test of Mang ability to auto-evolve and adapt, thus HELL-Mang were initially extremely powerful and spawned extremely powerful female children. Their males however, like all Mang and Whore Demons in general, were weaker and generally served as mass cannon fodder in their polyandry-driven societies. Whore Demons possess the physical-features of horns, nailed-claws, some sort of retractable demonic-tail. Retractable demon-wings and they originally had cloven-hooves for feet. They are tall, usually 9-to-13 marks! They are always heavier than they look, no matter how lithe they may appear. Usually weighing 400-to-900 bones! The Whore Demons of HELL ended up rendering the HELL-Mang nearly extinct and they do not like being reminded that their actual race comes from the Mang whom they regard as stupid bruteforce-bitches with not a brain among the entire herd of them! And of course calling any Mang-hoardes or Mang hoarde-members a herd? Is grounds for an immediate fight! Because it means that you are saying they are toothless vegetarians meant to be domesticated and enslaved until they're slaughtered for their pelts and meat! Whore Demons over the ages have become extremely technologically savvy and they've also evolved physically, too. The various present-day queendoms and empires of HELL often hire themselves out to otherdimensional-races and places in exchange for everything from technology to male-breeding slaves so that they can increase their own stock amongst themselves and the value of their Whore Devil armies. Whore Devils have also become far more dangerous and autonomous as well. Where there are now actual Whore Devil kingdoms and empires scattered throughout HELL and there are integrated enclaves dotting the entirety of Underworld-Realms. But make no mistake the lionshare of the power and policies are still dominated-&-controlled by Whore Demons. Both species have also evolved over the ages. They are still humanoid in appearance and still possess the stereotypical horns, fangs, bat-tails & wings of earthly hue-mahn lore, however...? Upon close inspection it becomes easy to see that their wings are not actual feathers, but are biotech in nature now. They are still retractable, but their bat-wings are actually biotech-batwings allowing them to manipulate and generate arcane-energies to allow them anti-gravity flight and auto-acceleration to their top-speeds in seconds! Whore Demons are superior flyers and aerial-combatants making them ever-popular mercenaries among the other-realms of underworld whether they are alone or in a group. Whether they have the old cybertech-systems coursing through their bodies or the newer biotech-systems that are harder to disrupt. They create an extreme disadvantage versus enemies who do not have the cyber-systems or bio-systems to defend against the multitude of ways that they can utterly undermine and destroy their enemies. Everything from their armor to whatever little to no attire they decide to wear is actually nanotechnology, too. Most have actually feet now instead of cloven-hooves and they have lost all regard to their primordial-prehistoric ancestors love of being compared to neo-earth hue-mahn lore demons-n-devils. They are still warlike and opportunistic in nature though and they have no problems banding together to undertake invasions of entire otherdimensional-realms outside of Underworld-Realm. They have gained quite a reputation throughout the Omniverse and because they evolved unchecked by any Primordials? The stronger and more powerful members of their kind have proven more than capable of fending for themselves whether with a group of Whore Demons or alone. The various queendoms of HELL have invaded countless otherdimensional places and either pillaged them dry or conquered-&-converted them into extensions of their own queendoms and empires. A patriarchy-realm, Whore Demons are still strictly female no matter where they are found throughout Underworld-Realm and are visibly larger than their male counterparts. Whore Devils are still always male and are still mostly chattel in the most powerful Whore Demon Queendoms and Empires. However they have now reared and raised mass numbers of Whore Demon-Dragons because of their wars with the Dragonoids of Tanis Island! These massive female monstrosities embody some of the best and worst traits of their Whore Demon Mothers and Dragonoid Tanis-Parents! Making them massive unruly flying versions of their mothers with dragonscale-hides, massive cyber-dragonwings! Powerful horns and dragon-tails that allow them to lay waste to cities and armies as they please! They also can breathe mystic flame and manipulate massive amounts of arcane-energies to devastating effects! It is the Whore Demon empires and queendoms with Whore Demon-Dragon armies that are the most troublesome due to the fact that these places have pushed their Whore Demon-dragons on all fronts and breed them to be of all shapes and sizes from dragonhorses which can carry from up to 1-to-3 people, pending on their breeding-size. To massive Whore Demon-Dragoons that are equipped with troop bunkers and barracks strapped to their backs! So that even more of an army can be fielded against their enemies! The only thing worse than Whore Demon empires and queendoms with Whore Demon-Dragons are the empires and queendoms that are actually founded and composed strictly of Whore Demon-Dragons...! The Whore Demons of HELL have also completely terraformed HELL so that it now looks like any other Underworld-Realm unless you venture into Deep-HELL, where this region is still as lethal and dangerous as Primordial-HELL was. The Whore Demons of HELL as previously noted also have no problems with launching expeditions against entire otherdimensional-realms! Such as their massive invasion of the Shilla-Prime Sphere where multitudes of queendoms and empires launched three separate invasions against the Shilla-Prime Sphere and dramatically altered the entirety of the dimension to the point that the Shilla-Prime Sphere now has native Whore Demons and Devils of their own. All three Shilla-Prime Invasions ultimately met with failure and defeat, though! Because the Citizens of Shilla-Prime are powerfully skilled arcane-mages and masters! Shilla-Prime itself is still recovering in many spots and preliminary-readings have indicated that potential candidates for recruitment do exist scattered throughout Shilla-Prime and its moons. Due to time constraints regarding the Tanis Island candidates, these potential allies and recruits can be investigated later at your leisure. Underworld-HELL itself has however experienced something that no one in their right mind ever thought would ever happen!? The attempted conquest of HELL-Realm by the Tanis Dragon Dynasty! The Dragonoids of Tanis Island during their Total Conquest phase of the 1st Age of Underworld are the only race and region to ever actually conquer large chunks of HELL. They actively introduced to the rest of the realms the art of bioengineering Whore Demons and crossbreeding with them in order to produce ridiculously powerful warrior-classes and offspring! These Artificially Created Lifeforms are known as ARC-Whore Demons and they possess the genes and abilities of both the Tanis Dragonoids and Whore Demons. It is because of this that Whore Demon-Dragons and Dragoons came into existence in the first place. Humanoid-dragons, the Dragonoids of Tanis Island are larger in size and build than Whore Demons even when they are the same size. They do not have any easy to recognize dragon-like features except for the fact that they are big-as-fuck and obviously-so when compared to other Underworld-Realm races. They naturally have hyperdenseskin and they also possess a lesser version of the Mang's evolutionary-abilities. A military-race they compete heavily amongst each other and have a superiority-complex in comparison to the rest of the races of Underworld-Realm. Their Total Conquest Agenda was ultimately revealed to have been their attempt to conquer all of the Underworld-Realms so that they could unite them under their rule and then begin aggressively participating in omniversal-trade, commerce, and expansion! For all of their superiority-complex they are known for their honesty and ability to keep their word once their word is given regardless of situation or circumstances. After their Total Conquest Agenda failed, they successfully waged war and defended Tanis Island against the Underworld-Allied-Forces. A feat that has not been duplicated by any other race-or-place throughout Underworld-Realm! Dragonoids have the longest lifespans of all underworld races allowing them to live for as long as 3,000-years and still be able to successfully and effectively kick the crap out of other younger Dragonoids! Our most promising-prospects on this journey will be among the Tanis-Dragonoid and it must be absolutely understood that maintaining non-detection is critical! Essential! To our survival if we wish to return from this scouting-expedition. I cannot stress enough that if we are exposed as Non-Tanis-Dragonoid!? Death will be preferable if escape becomes impossible. Do you understand, Master...? And all he could do was sigh and sink back in his command-chair and shake his head slowly "I hate going to this place." he muttered with disgust. However the slow crawling text from hell continued to sit staring back at him here in the darkness of his command-cockpit "You're not gonna just let me skip the consent part, are you?" The gold-neon text continued to sit there hovering out in front of him. Unwavering. Unmoving. Uncompromising. Which only disgusted him even more "I gotta stop letting you listen to that Jayson Swartz guy." without another word he mentally acknowledged his consent and an audible ping came back. He could sense she was pleased as he muttered "At least one of us is happy about being bored to tears with all of this crap."