The Quest for a Custom-Computer and avoiding anymore Mistakes....

​​Good Evening.
From Philadelphia….

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​   I’ve been continuing to work offline and do research on what I need to do in order to finally have the type of computer I need for the work that I am doing and the empire I am building.
   I’ve already had to learn the hard way that spending almost all of the 2000’s in the Hinterlands dealing with domestic-issues and waiting out the End of Anything Goes for Women in America’s Domestic-Courts, comes at a price.
   I don’t normally type but so much about this time period because I’m not happy, pleased, or proud of having been too stupid to understand that I could not approach My Ex-Wife about divorce, as if I were dealing with a woman who handled such things with tact, maturity, and poise.
   So of course I had to pay the price for that and unlike too many others, I don’t play games when I’ve committed to a course of action, OR…!?
   Unfortunately.
   When a course of action has been forced on me.
   I am not someone who responds well to being forced to do things that I know aren’t actually solutions to whatever the issue, situation or circumstances are, quite frankly it reminds of the stupidity I had to deal with growing up in my mother’s house. Where I found out the hard way that parents don’t necessarily like when they find that their child is not only able to see and understand them, but the world they’re both trying to live in, and is able to give sound council about how said parent/s should handle things.
Translation?
   Not every parent is going to handle it well when they find out or figure out that their child is actually better than them without having to resort to dirty-tactics and criminal-behavior to get back.
   And then LITERALLY shows that if you’re going to do something?
   Then at least be good at it and do it right.
   Now?

​   If any of what I just typed hit home with you, then it should be obvious why I’m really studying and pressing-&-stressing about getting this whole thing right with the Custom-Desktop. Because everything is coming straight outta my pocket and I can’t afford anymore fuck-up’s like burning money on the same shit two-&-three times, like I’m about to do regarding the Custom-Desktop.
   This laptop that I am typing to you now on has already had it. Because the sheer amount of graphics I’ve put up on it. Then when I am working on and editing new artwork or old artwork, I’ve pretty much run it into the ground graphics-wise, processing-wise, which is why I just pointed out my 10+ years in the Hinterlands, literally hiding and waiting for, what I correctly predicted, would be the change of domestic-laws. So that the same people who refused to listen to me when My Ex-Wife started this nonsense, were now more apt to attempt to do their jobs.
   Instead of simply make decisions based off of tits-&-vagina.
   As I’ve typed in other posts?
   I’m rusty.
   And it comes with my decision to go dark and disappear. Instead of continuing to fight with people who had unlimited resources and no accountability even before the time of when they were finally forced to face the fact. That what I’d told them from day-1 was not my side of the story. But was based off of the facts of my situation, circumstance, and the case which my ex-wife had childishly opened up when I kept pushing for a divorce and made it clear that I was not going to put up with her and her horrible behaviors and shitty outlook on life anymore. It wasn’t about trying to tell anything more than the truth of the matter and that I’d provided to them actual, factual-statements, as well as irrefutable-proof that I was not the aggressor nor abuser in our marriage, as my ex-wife had claimed.
   A strategy that is all too easy to employ, because of the nature of how White-Americans have intentionally jury-rigged the Domestic Court System here. To try to deal with a situation they honestly don’t want to deal with in the first place. Which was the historical inequity they’d created between themselves as White-American Men-&-Women. An internal power-dynamic that has nothing to do with Black-Americans nor has it been of any actual-factual gain-benefit, for either Black-American Men &/or Women.
   A disturbing trend I’ve found is that when Whites don’t want to deal with anything on a group-based, large-scale level?
   They then intentionally enact “policies” and “laws” that are designed to go heavy-handed and harshly in the favor of the victim/s of their previous policies-&-laws, which then intentionally create animosity for the previously wronged victim/s. Where the entire intention is to dump massive amounts of so-called power in the hands of the former victim/s with the intent to lure them into abusing the absurd “new policies-&-laws”.
   While already knowing that the sheer stupidity of what they’d done in creating these “new policies-&-laws” will automatically cause animosity and retaliation by those effectively affected by them, in other words…?
   They tilt the ship all the way over to the side that they neglected in order to justify why they had it jury-rigged the other way in the first place!
   After a certain amount of time this automatically creates problems and breeds animosity, which was the intention from the start, so that things can be then shifted back to the way it was originally!

​   If any of what I just typed hit home with you, then it should be obvious why I’m really studying and pressing-&-stressing about getting this whole thing right with the Custom-Desktop. Because everything is coming straight outta my pocket and I can’t afford anymore fuck-up’s like burning money on the same shit two-&-three times, like I’m about to do regarding the Custom-Desktop.
   This laptop that I am typing to you now on has already had it. Because the sheer amount of graphics I’ve put up on it. Then when I am working on and editing new artwork or old artwork, I’ve pretty much run it into the ground graphics-wise, processing-wise, which is why I just pointed out my 10+ years in the Hinterlands, literally hiding and waiting for, what I correctly predicted, would be the change of domestic-laws. So that the same people who refused to listen to me when My Ex-Wife started this nonsense, were now more apt to attempt to do their jobs.
   Instead of simply make decisions based off of tits-&-vagina.
   As I’ve typed in other posts?
   I’m rusty.
   And it comes with my decision to go dark and disappear. Instead of continuing to fight with people who had unlimited resources and no accountability even before the time of when they were finally forced to face the fact. That what I’d told them from day-1 was not my side of the story. But was based off of the facts of my situation, circumstance, and the case which my ex-wife had childishly opened up when I kept pushing for a divorce and made it clear that I was not going to put up with her and her horrible behaviors and shitty outlook on life anymore. It wasn’t about trying to tell anything more than the truth of the matter and that I’d provided to them actual, factual-statements, as well as irrefutable-proof that I was not the aggressor nor abuser in our marriage, as my ex-wife had claimed.
   A strategy that is all too easy to employ, because of the nature of how White-Americans have intentionally jury-rigged the Domestic Court System here. To try to deal with a situation they honestly don’t want to deal with in the first place. Which was the historical inequity they’d created between themselves as White-American Men-&-Women. An internal power-dynamic that has nothing to do with Black-Americans nor has it been of any actual-factual gain-benefit, for either Black-American Men &/or Women.
   A disturbing trend I’ve found is that when Whites don’t want to deal with anything on a group-based, large-scale level?
   They then intentionally enact “policies” and “laws” that are designed to go heavy-handed and harshly in the favor of the victim/s of their previous policies-&-laws, which then intentionally create animosity for the previously wronged victim/s. Where the entire intention is to dump massive amounts of so-called power in the hands of the former victim/s with the intent to lure them into abusing the absurd “new policies-&-laws”.
   While already knowing that the sheer stupidity of what they’d done in creating these “new policies-&-laws” will automatically cause animosity and retaliation by those effectively affected by them, in other words…?
   They tilt the ship all the way over to the side that they neglected in order to justify why they had it jury-rigged the other way in the first place!
   After a certain amount of time this automatically creates problems and breeds animosity, which was the intention from the start, so that things can be then shifted back to the way it was originally!

​   Getting caught up in this kind of stupidity, here in America, depends heavily on how much internal-cohesion and stability your particular racial-group &/or ethnicity, has within it. To avoid these kinds of craptastic parlor tricks about serious issues that shouldn’t be played around with in the first place!
   My Ex-Wife didn’t want to admit that with $10,000 worth of credit-card debt?
   She couldn’t afford for me to divorce her, instead, in typical childish-fashion.
   Ego and pride and vanity was more important than the reality of her situation. So when she saw I was serious then it became all about being angry that “for some strange reason”.
   I didn’t want to continue waking up and walking through her daily doses of deranged mood-swinging madness.
   Oh and going to therapy and/or a marriage counselor was out!
   By the way.
   Seeing a trained-licensed psychologist?
   No.
   Wouldn’t do it.
   And “couldn’t understand” why we couldn’t just “work things out among ourselves”.
   You can believe whatever you wish about me and what you are reading but I am warning you now.
   Do not allow “your feelings” to override “the facts of a woman’s behavior” when she consistently demonstrates that she’s unstable psychologically and then refuses to seek professional help.
   A number of people over the last 5-years, after reviewing my court records and her claims have told me flat out “This woman seems…? Kind of dangerous…?”
   Yeah.
   And of course women are pushed as being lambs when the man with them tries to distance himself from her and point out that he can’t just “handle the situation” like he’s dealing with a man. When she turns violent, which is also no fun either. Her court appearances have caused judges to “question her behavior” in court, you know, screaming “Where’s the money!?” which, is actual court-record, by the way. AND I NEED TO TYPE THAT PART TO BE CLEAR.
   What I am typing is not slander.
   But can be pulled up from actual court-records during hearings where if she’d have been a man, then any number of those judges would have immediately called her out for what she is.
   A mentally unstable abuser.
   Who is now pissed because the only “man” she’s ever been able to hold onto has finally decided enough is enough. So now its scorched earth time and nothing is off-limits!
   However, unfortunately, since she has tits-&-a vagina and Whites were up to their aforementioned “phony concern” about domestic-abuse and domestic-laws and domestic-court, well…?
   Even literal, crazed, ranting, right in front of a judge/s.
   Then bizarre silence when finally pressed about the fact that I’ve proven to be compliant with court orders for as long as I can see my son, well…?
   That’s simply not enough “proof”.
   Heh.
   That this woman is simply stirring up trouble because the domestic-laws are designed to allow such horrific behavior. So mind you that the proof of those facts, the proof of what I have typed, has also been provided by the very person who was claiming to be the victim.
   Something where I tried to tell her that regardless of how “sweet it seems now”, going up into domestic-court, and lying, isn’t something that magically-delicious disappears and doesn’t come back to bite a person in the ass.

​   Of course trying to appeal to someone where, regardless of how crazy it is for me to type, but I must type it for clarity. I fully-understood why she was going off the deep-end. And I tried to assure her that the fact that simply because we were getting divorced, we still had a son together and if she needed something from me, then all she had to do was ask, but…?
   Unfortunately my parents didn’t raise me on how to deal with a woman who simply won’t accept that it’s past due time for them to have to deal with the consequences of being an inadequate wife and companion and that nobody is obligated to stay with or in a relationship, with someone who is failing to meet the most basic requirements of being a woman to a man.
   If you don’t believe that all that I’ve typed ties directly into the custom-desktop, then lemme quickly point out that one of the things that I’ve developed an almost zero-tolerance from myself about…?
   Is making mistakes.
   I have little to no tolerance for making mistakes, for me, making mistakes.
   Because the mistake I made with my ex-wife?
   Has cost me literally my son’s entire childhood right up till now.
   I’ve lost an entire decade of time as well and by default have had to deal with the fact that had I have handled my relationship correctly long before marrying her and then bringing my son into the world through her as a hot mess…?
   Then he could have grown up with his mother and father and learned from the both of us instead of the shitshow of being raised by his mother, who is at such levels of insanity that even her own brother, my brother-in-law.
   Snuck a message to me through a mutual college-friend.
   And while yes, I know, that mistakes happen?
   I’ve no more room.
   Nor time.
   For any more mistakes.
   This is another reason why my postings have slowed even more, because I am literally gathering myself and consolidating my work and putting it in order along with the various elements and aspects needed to put it out correctly, where?!
   Today I was expecting some merchandise for sale and of course with the pandemic things are still being shipped per priority. So items ordered nearly two weeks ago are literally just now getting here today.
   And even that still got messed up.
   Is there more artwork?
   Yes.
   I posted one piece last week.
   Is there more?
   Yes.
   Will it get posted right now, no.
   I will post something that I have started doing, which is artwork, sort of.
   And I’ll do that tomorrow, but?
   Coming back to the fact that I don’t like making mistakes?
   I’ll tell you right now as a man, not just as a Blackman.
   Whatever you do?
   Do not give up your job and/or chances to gain and/or keep your income, in order to take over the child-rearing duties of your woman, be ye married or not.
   I’ve gone through what I’ve gone through by being dumb enough to believe that I could be Mr. Mom as well, because she didn’t want to do it, nor didn’t care about the times that we were living in and still are living in. Where here in the United States, things are returning back to a time where if you do not have your own means of income. And your own skillsets that can provide you with either job-ops and/or repeated attempts/bites, at the self-employment/provider, apple, then…?
   You will be subject to whatever known and unknown decision/s that your employer decides to make.
   My previous dayjob saw me literally staring at people, coworkers, who were being forced to keep working because their employer had fucked off their 401k-pensions and went belly-up!
   Forcing them to keep working while literally having their bodies falling apart and broken down from decades of factory-based, manual-assembly-line style work!
   The irony is that what I am working on now and giving you updates and glimpse and bits and pieces of, as far as WE3 and the various characters based within these Worlds Within Worlds?
   Is precisely what led to trouble within my marriage where I’d failed to see the fact that I was dealing with a woman who was fine as long as I was like her, reliant on others for every crumb of my daily bread, and beholden to whatever whims they had at whatever moments they felt, however…?
   That was never me.
   And it struck me on how stupid I’d been to keep making irrational, emotion-driven decisions, to keep myself involved with a woman who, quite frankly, showed me repeatedly that she not only had low expectations of herself. But also low-expectations of me, for as long as I was able to carry her from one point of life to the next.
   That was the only real expectation she had of me.
   Which was for me.
   To simply stay with her.
   Regardless of anything.
   Whether it was mediocrity for both of our lives or her life or my life.
   Just…?
   Existing.
   For the sake of the fact that we were alive.
   And then doing the cookie-cutter cliched things that supposed couples do when they’ve been together for a long time. No sense of purpose. No desire to grow and strive and achieve, just…?
   Be together.
   Because we are.
   Together.
   I’m not a Borg-drone.
   And I’m not merely here to never push my talents to the limits and simply “be happy”. The Irony was that I was striving to succeed so we could move even further up in life and be able to be non-dependent upon anyone else to provide income for us and opportunities for us.
   But once it became apparent that I was building towards a larger goal that would put power and profit, solely in my hands…?
   It became a problem.
   And involving her in the process of literally seeing what I was doing, why, how. What my ideas were, how to achieve those goals. The various storylines and characters and then being able to show how these characters and concepts tied into the real world and how they specifically translated into our experiences as Black-People, Black-Americans in particular…!?

   Even as I type this I can still see the warped look of disdain on her face, like I was reaching beyond my station and trying to accomplish something where?
   Since she’d decided that this was as far as life could go for her and whatever talents she had.
   Because she’d reached the limits of what she believed she could do in life, then…?
   I was supposed to stay at that same level too, which was and still is, insane to me.
   Especially since she already knew that her own parents were well-aware of what I could accomplish and why, where, that was the problem.
   And so I’ve been digging out from underneath that and the cost of doing so has been tremendously high, starting with the loss of my son to this woman. Where I then had to make decisions to force her to act at least orderly for his sake, yet another thing that people didn’t believe me on till the years rolled by and more and more people began to see that this woman is actually quite dangerous.
   A Rigged Game of Wits…?
   Is one of the titles I came up with, because of everything that has happened. But throughout all of this has been the ever-present fact that nothing else matters, except for results. Which is why I’ve seen so many people say and do whatever they thought they needed to, in order to get things to go their way. Only to find out the hard way that their lives and time, are inseparable.
   And if you lied to gain what you have, to get where you are?
   Then the mere passage of time sets the table for you to get caught.
   Producing results based off of lies and ill-intent for others is a recipe for disaster, normally.
   And I need to add that last part, that last word, normally.
   Because the probability of your lies being unmasked and the truth coming out about how you got from one point to another, rises and falls based on various factors for your situation and circumstances.
   But nothing undermines the consistent-persistent fact that the foundation of how you accomplished what you accomplished is built on lies, and/or, built on something negative.
   Thus at some point or another.
   As time passes?
   And as various factors go through their normal up’s-&-down’s?
   The probability of the truth coming to light of who and what you are and how you got what you have and got to where you’ve gotten to, will also be exposed as well.
   I type all of this to remind you as I remind myself, that there is a right way and a wrong way to do things.
   And unfortunately in the times that we’ve all been born into?
   Doing things the wrong way has become highly profitable and acceptable, until it literally, simply isn’t.
   After surviving what I have survived and doing things in the absolute worst way that I did not want to do them, which was to literally, do nothing.
   And disappear.
   Watch the political-landscape in regard to domestic-laws.
   And wait.
   It dulled my senses.
   And of course harmed my health, as it should.
   So I have to then catch up to society literally again, where members of the domestic-court told me “Jesus Christ…? You locked yourself up in that apartment?”

   Yes.
   I did.
   Because nobody can or will listen to someone claiming they are being harassed or abused or attacked when they know that said person has literally disappeared from all forms of public-&-private life and records.
   Once the supposed victim continues to make false claims while the alleged attacker/target is literally nowhere to be found and not for a few days, weeks, or even years!?
   But literally an entire decade…!?
   It doesn’t take long to begin asking questions of the supposed victim who keeps showing up claiming one thing while all of everything shows that it’s now become a question of whether or not the other person is even still alive or not….
   Add to that…?
   That the nature of the false-claims…?
   Can also torpedo the false-claimant as well, when the supposed aggressor is shown to not even come remotely close to conforming with the standard nor exception of the type of person who does, what the false-claimant has claimed.
   I did the bare minimum during that time, because of course I couldn’t afford to get dragged up into the madness that my ex-wife had intentionally created and became heated about when I reminded her that I taught her the ploy she was trying to use on me.
   And a perpetual-motion ploy only works when and if the target refuses to simply stop fighting and stop resisting. The only means of escape from a perpetual-motion ploy is to remain calm and to literally stop moving and let go of whatever it is that the target is trying to do.
   It comes at a heavy price though in situations like this one.
   And, as I stated, it dulls the senses for the person who has to become still so that no more of their own energy-actions, can be turned against them.
   I went out here at almost this exact time last year and bought this laptop that I am typing to you on now, because I’d forgotten that I could and should make my own custom-desktop.
   This laptop ran me $1500 and its now a glorified typewriter-paperweight at this point. Where I didn’t remember the fact that I could and should have spent that money on building the custom-desktop last year, so I wouldn’t have to do that this year.
   I made a mistake.
   And I won’t repeat the same mistake twice.
   Like I said before “I’m rusty.”
   But I’m working it off.
   Slowly...
   ,,,But surely....